I hate leaving gaps in my writing because it’s hard to pick back up sometimes…
In this case though I’ve decided to make my entry fairly short, for me, anyways.
Last I wrote Diego was only just settling into his new home and the new relationship we’d hoped to build, he was also just starting to open up and express himself again, largely because of starting clicker training with him. Everything was so new, uncertain, scary, exciting…
Fall flew by with various difficulties – some horse related and some in my personal life or health.
Winter is approaching now.
A freezing wind is blowing this morning and it’s under 50 degrees right now. Brrrr
And D is probably out roaming the pasture with his herd, sans blanket, munching the left over grass and hiding in the valleys from the wind. In otherwords he’s finally getting to be a real horse. I can’t say he’s ever looked back. I’ve put him in a stall maybe 3 times in the past 5 months. He has buddies, and responsibilities (he has a mare now) that must be kept at all times when he’s not with me. Life for them is moving, communing, playing, eating etc.
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He is still very herd-bound when not with his buddies, especially if he senses my nerves, threatening weather or anything out of the ordinary on any given day, but that is a trust issue between us that will come with time. It’s already improved, but is probably one of the slowest moving of everything we are making progress in.
He is still not often soft or loving towards me, though I have made an effort to repress my demanding, bossy former nature with him. He expresses each opinion with the intensity with which he feels it – often pretty intense. Like mine. Birds of a feather. ;)
Lastnight he was thoroughly dissatisfied with me restraining him in the barn and constantly telling him ‘no”. While tied for grooming he poked his head over the wall to bully Levi the colt, off his food – despite the fact that Diego couldn’t reach Levi’s food. I verbally scolded D and gave a tug at the base of his halter for him to back up off the wall. He did, but promptly put his ears back, cocked his head and gave a warning ‘snap’ in my direction. The other boarder about 15 feet away saw the exchange and commented on D’s response, surprised at his ‘sass”. I ignored Diego’s snap and simply went about my business as I do now when he responds in a not so nice way, telling the boarder he was telling me how he felt. It’s true, he often tells me exactly how he feels about something and often I’m completely unprepared when I’m bombarded by his opinions. XD lol 14 years of living a repressed life in a relationship might make me a tiny bit cranky too!
But there are some quiet moments where he puts his head against me, or comes to me for comfort that make all of this effort worth it. One of my friends in the horse community I joined owns a former abused Spanish bullfighting horse. She has beautiful pictures of him calmly resting his head against her with his eyes half closed. It was an expression of trust that overwhelmed me. I have dealt with many headshy horses in my life, but never truly given thought to the fact that that is their most prized and sensitive part of their body! Their head, eyes, mouth…. Something we often feel we have a “right” to.
“Give me your head and put this stupid bridle on!”
“Give me your jaw – accept that bit!”
“Grab his head.”
“Grab his nose.”
The list goes on.
We’re a rather bullish, selfish, insensitive race at times aren’t we? o.O
It makes it all the more meaningful that Diego chooses and has chosen in the past to give me his head. He doesn’t always… try bringing a syringe of wormer into eye sight and he’ll fling his head up to the sky! But on cold nights like last week when he was in pain from a leg injury, he walked behind me with his head resting squarely on my back for comfort. He followed me in the dark through physical contact and trust.
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These past few months have opened my eyes to how truly intelligent, emotional, sensitive and physically powerful Diego is – even more so than I could have imagined when I started this journal.One of the most incredible times was one hot summer day...
I have taken on the endeavor to learn pheromone/intent communication through breath exchange, at the suggestion of a friend. Apparently the horses extremely sensitive sense of smell is able to pick up so much more information from other mammals than we thought previously. Intent can be conveyed by a single simplistic thought or emotion and then the pheromone is created when the we let the breath out. Have you ever watched a horse blow out to another’s nostrils? Or watched a horses nostrils contract, shrink taking in the exchange? If dogs can tell age, food eaten, general health etc. by sniffing eachothers butts I see no reason why horses can’t communicate by breath.
So I try it. Though I am clumsy at collecting my thoughts.
I felt extremely tired and was in pain (sunburn) on this day and sat in the barn on a chair, dripping with sweat. Diego stood with his head next to me and finally after a long time of silence raised his head so his nose hung in the air 10 inches from my face. I breathed out, feeling all my pain and tiredness. His nostrils contracted very slightly and stayed contracted, he did not breath out at all. I was told later that means he was waiting for more information… inviting me to talk.
That to me speaks volumes. In his own language he was offering a listening ear, more so than we give horses credit for. They don’t understand our words when we rant about a bad day – but he certainly understood the pain and fatigue I was experiencing and offered me the chance to share more. Mind blowing…
I will post more on specifics of what we’ve been working on later. For now just know that we are on our way to something more powerful than I had prepared myself for!
