A Cheerful Horse

Sometimes, it seems to take a slap in the face to wake back up to the world after something like the struggles of care-taking and constantly pushing your needs to the back burner. Where is the happiness and joy I once felt with horses? Everything is a chore. I just want to get it all done and go home. 

Case in point lastnight, the Universe decided to smile on me for a moment.


The Cheerful Horse... when set right with his comfort by a cold shower, a high powered fan, a special clip of his Cushings fur for ventilation and a good showering of new flyspray... may intend to show case his thankfulness with random displays of joy during exercise.

I swear I wish I had pictures of this.



Lastnight we set out for some controlled free lunging in a paddock next to the barn. The area is nice - 2 large shade trees, soft grass, etc. The object was to stretch his legs and get circulation going because we'd had 2 days of intense heat (95*) and riding/working specific muscle groups, which I'm sure left him sore. D hadn't even gotten once around before he took off at a peppy trot and ended up on the other end of the paddock, head and tail in-air. He shot me a look as he passed... something like Haha! Didn't see that coming, did you?

Crazy horse. He exploded several times into nice canters (complete with head shaking and grunting), and several more times into spontaneous trots. Eventually we noticed a family of deer had wondered over into a neighbouring paddock and were watching us, aghast. D found this amusing and actually trotted closer to get a look at them, and possibly show off. I guess he wasn't so sore after all...


The reason this is so amazing to me is probably two-fold.
One - yes, he is 26 and his 'good days' are fewer now due to the complications with Cushings, hoof issues occasionally, joint issues, heat intolerance, etc. For a former founder, with a variety of issues, while he does well - he's not got the same level of energy he did as a young horse.

Two - the troubles we've kept having have continued to jade me and I often find myself thinking we won't get any better than what I see everyday: the mundane parts of life where we trudge through chores and exercise, call it a day to sleep to start over the next...
Seeing him, of his own volition out and about - sporting and showing off, whether for me or the deer, was a shock. And one I needed.



The Cheerful Horse, that's what I'm doing all this for.

2013 ~ Reviewed

Well then...  who'd have ever thought we'd have come as far as we have in a single year?

Who'd have ever thought I'd get to take a starlight ride on Christmas Eve with Diego this year? Galloping recklessly through a field to burn off excess energy... freezing our noses off simultaneously!
Who'd have thought I'd be able to point him at a fence (a small one of course) and have him leap it like a champ, with plenty of room to spare?
Who'd have thought I'd be able to go more than a week without hoof issues and a lethargic horse?
Amazing, really.


The beginning of the year really started out horribly. On New Years day I was at the barn in the pouring rain calming an upset horse who kept running through the fence, while my boyfriend helped fix said fence. :/ Not great memories.

February brought a new barn, new acquaintances and all-around new experiences. I hate moving, I hate leaving people I know for situations and people I don't know. I hate starting over. The good news was that Diego made friends quickly and 'settled down" into a happy horse, promptly surpassing my expectations.                                     

March and April brought some struggles with weight and metabolic management - usually involving hay and hay tests. We battled hoof inflammation and pain, along with plenty of rain rot (despite a great diet) and the effects of warming temps. And clippers that refused to work...
                                                              
                                                                

May and June really settled down and for the first time in a long time I had real hope. We were riding again!                                                        
                                                                   

July was the turning point when I started to see my old horse come back. He was FIT and FIESTY! And I was horribly UNfit and desperately needed to workout!
                                                                       

August got bumpy right before vacation. I delayed too long in raising his medication for PPID and the hormonal seasonal rise started to undo our hard work: he got ulcers and his muscle began wasting again. September I played 'clean up crew' for that little mess.

October and November came out well, despite a 2 week hiccup due to a laminitis bout. We worked our collective rear off! I saw little muscular improvement in comparison with my expectations, but I kept at it despite.                                       

December wrapped everything up so nicely. Despite record cold temps, D stayed stable health-wise and we kept working. Muscle FINALLY has started filling in his topline and rump. I was told that random visitors to the barn who are often looking for a horse to buy, stopped at his stall asking about him. Even the DQ wife of our vet took an interest...

                                                                   

Yay! Christmas horsie! (or Krampus, your choice ;p )

I can't even begin to say how relieved I am to see him happy and healthy again. It really is incredible...  Here's to hoping 2014 is just as good for us!

Happy New Year, All

I'm shocked and thrilled at what we've been able to accomplish, but I'm also chafing under the burden of new responsibilities. Riding again means fitness goals, and fitness goals means finding time and space to ride when I'd really rather do something else - rain - shine - wind - sleet - even sick.
    It also means Diego tends to resent me more, there are many days he doesn't want to work anymore than I do. This is something I really wish I could fix.. I can't say I blame him. This is the one disconnect between horses and humans that I really hate: the ability to look forward into the future: to plan and to guesstimate. I know what will happen if he loses the condition we've worked so hard to build - he doesn't. I know he will be more stiff and his arthritis will get worse if we don't move enough - he doesn't. If he had his way he'd prefer his face stuck in a high-sugar roundbale of hay 24/7 in a small crew of mixed-sex horses that he could boss around any way that he saw fit. Hmmm... yeah. Not gonna happen hun, sorry.
Still though - I wish I could find a nicer kinder way to bring him around on those days when we have to work.

I've been thinking about moving forward this next year - what do I ultimately want for us both? I can come up with a lot of things *I* want, but I really need to sit down and think about some goals for bettering Diego - not just for me, but for himself, to make him happier.

One idea I've been punting around in my head for the last week is his insecurity and herd-bound issues. It occurs to me that this has been a problem for a long time, and a very serious one. Now I will continue to do what I can to be a trustworthy partner, in hopes that he might relax into my guardianship (we really should have eachother's backs when we're out alone so much), but I'd like to find some way to build his own confidence so that he's able to trust himself a little more too. In short: I think his world has grown too small. Experience, although sometimes stressful is the only way to really test yourself in the 'alone' department. I'd really like to concentrate on enlarging his world this next year...  this means getting out and seeing the world: going places, doing things together.

Some ideas:

• Visit horsey-friends places!
  So far this has been difficult because it relies on other people's time and resources too (I have no trailer), but I'll keep trying. A short day visit I think would help him greatly.
• Trails! Trails! Trails!
  A definite goal. We need to test our meddle out on the open trails to better assess fitness and emotional stability (Does he have any? Can he handle being left behind without throwing me? etc.). From there we'll know what we have to work on.
• Social gatherings
  Whether it be a small schooling show, a big group trail ride or even signing up for a hunter pace (something remotely long-ish as prep for LD rides). Anything to expose him to the good 'ol hustle and bustle of other horses and humans again.

Hooves and Recovery

Today I'm doing some light reading - which is including materials on various trim methods. This is a weekly if not daily thing for me lately. I've learned so much since this blog started that I have trouble putting it all into words.

Diego's hooves have undergone an onslaught of assaults from various sources for over a year now, and we find ourselves this week - sitting on the 6 month anniversary of his most recent (and worst) laminitic attack. I am clinging rigidly and (understandably) desperately to all dietary and environmental restrictions to keep D from having another attack right now - but as the months creep by and we finally start to see progress through the dreary daily routine: I have finally started to feel a little more hope. 

We're 6 months out and this time, for sure, I am confident that we have good hoof form. As good as it can get really. I haven't had the money for Xays in a year now, so I've had to wing-it by just reading the external hoof signs as well as I can. I constantly scrutinize his sole, his gait and measure the collateral grooves, looking for more depth. The last and most frustrating piece to fall in place has been his soundness. His last event in August left him barely able to drag himself from the paddock to the grooming area and back. Boots and pads only made it moderately better. It was horrible to watch him have so much pain just walking... 

 We made huge strides (har har) though, and by November he was comfortable - trotting, galloping and bucking with his girlfriend. It was a sight to see! December brought cold nights though, and with  his damaged vascular system in his lower legs & feet started giving him issues. He had significant amounts of pain, his legs stocked up from not moving all day long (due to hoof pain) etc. I added some dietary supplements to help - but nothing is a cure. It's still just as cold out now in February, but at the new facility D is kept in at night (not ideal to me but the lesser of several evils I was faced with in moving him), where the temperature is consistently 10 degrees warmer than the outdoors. Guess what... no leg swelling! No owwie hooves with warm coronary bands! YAY! 

Try as I might to provide Diego with a more 'natural' lifestyle, it's becoming increasingly apparent that certain domestic 'comforts' are needed to give him the ability to live a decent life after the Cushings hammered away at his body unchecked for 5 years and laminitis ravaged the blood vessels in his hooves. So far this has included blanketing, wrapping the legs and being stabled at night. So I continue down this road of discovery: hopefully with less judgement about "right and wrong" horse management and attached dogma.  >.>'

Ok...  so maybe this wasn't as much about hooves as I'd intended to write. ;p
I just reread the first post on this blog from 2010 discussing his hooves. What a long way we have come! Few if any of the problems we faced then haunt us now (except heel contraction, but that's possibly a life long pathology by now IMO). I am forever thankful for Marian's willingness to educate me at a time when D and I really needed it.


Amusing event for the week:  I got a call from the barn manager early yesterday morning on my cell and promptly panicked (having just read a lovely study on Nitrate poisoning complete with graphic photos). As it turns out she was calling to give me a bit of amusing info. Diego has been introduced to his handicapped herd, but so far they have yet to accept him. There is an evil little pony who attacks everyone (horses and humans alike) who has it out for Diego. Diego finally decided somehow that the pony suddenly held no threat over him anymore and promptly turned his butt to the pony and shot him a "talk to the tail" look. Said pony was so distraught by this that he ran himself around the entire turn out area. I'm sure his ego was greatly damaged by this. I was told Diego had taken up trotting a little with the foals. I couldn't be happier for him... finally... progress!

New Beginnings... Again

The week has come to a slow and steady closing, and I've found myself mulling over things in the late afternoons on my drive to see Diego.

I was thinking about this blog the other day, thinking what I originally wanted to accomplish with it, and how that has taken a long, windy detour.

In 2010 and 2011 I got a hint... a taste at training 'high school' dressage, with an older, cynical horse. I got a taste of a better relationship - a soulful partnership and a couple big lessons in humility and ego reduction.

2011 & 2012 were more about me, in an odd sense. Granted Diego was still in the picture, but being sick and constantly in rehab put the burden on me to be the protector/advocate/caretaker. This has drawn on every fiber of my emotional and physical being. I have sat and cried, screamed, shamefully had complete temper tantrums, and laid in bed with the awful guilt and crushing depression that comes from growing angry and resentful at the very being you are trying to save from death...  Everything in my life, EVERYTHING has taken a backseat to him since August 2011. Finances have dwindled down to nothing and I find myself struggling even now to get my head above water. A somewhat harsh way for Fate to force me to grow up, but effective none the less. I have come so far in my ability to care-take and be a confident advocate. We just switched barns, again (yes we're both getting tired of this) and I recently reflected on old emails to our old barn owner. I was a totally different person last January. So many unknowns, and so indecisive in the face of uncertainty. I had significant trouble holding my own against the judgement, opinions and also honest questions of others, I spent excessive amounts of time verbally mulling over Diego's various conditions, possible solutions, etc. and quite frankly confused alot of people in the process! I've learned how to better convey information now, as well as how frequently I need to reevaluate processes and situations for profitable results. I'm not the shaky, scared person I was a year ago, cautiously looking for a better year: I didn't get one anyway. I got a year of all NEW problems, 2 medical crashes etc. on top of the same 'ol issues we were already dealing with. Now however, I'm done with holding my breath and crossing my fingers in hopes more bad things don't happen. I've decided that bad things will happen: and when they do [this] is what I'm going to do about it - and that's that. For everything else? There's a little blue pill that starts with and F ~ I can take a good dose of that.  ;)

So aside from getting a firm boot to the rear by Fate along the road of growth... did I mention how much I've learned?

• In a year's time I've done a 7 month apprenticeship under a local barefoot trimmer, with aspirations to start my own business. 

• I'm also completing my first class on equine nutrition, with aspirations to do nutrition on the side.

I've learned SO much through this struggle, mostly out of necessity, but somewhere along the way my interest was peaked too. The barn manager at our new barn told me lastnight "We have a woman coming with another Insulin Resistant horse! I'm going to give her your name and number - she says she just doesn't know what to do, what to feed etc. I told her I know just the person she should talk to."
I remain surprised and even humbled today thinking about it. It wasn't so long ago that I was the one uncertain, scared, frustrated... needing my questions answered.



I think here would be a good place to put a plug for the group that helped me get through the darkest parts of Diego's disease and recovery:
Dr. Eleanor Kellon & Robin Siskel's group for Cushings and Insulin Resistant horses:
http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/EquineCushings/
Through this group I also met another woman locally with a similar story to myself and Diego. Her support has meant the world to me when I felt like nobody else understood how hard this battle can be.


So here's to 2013... another new beginning. Hopefully this time, we're on the way to being better than ever!

Red Dragon is Sick :(

Every time I think about chronicling my journey with Diego, inevitably I’m not around a computer. My computer usage is down these days anyway, as is my ability to write coherently.

For the past 10 months now I’ve been overloaded with the care taking responsibilities that Diego requires. Long story short – last August he got laminitis, and that was only the beginning. I started a journey to try and get this horse back to his TRUE nature, mentally and physically. It’s been a huge puzzle but we have made significant strides toward a healthier body for Diego. He is Cushings it turns out, and that has slowly been destroying muscle and soft tissue in his body for years and weakening his immune system. That was a big part of the puzzle and the driving factor behind his laminitis episode.

The rest of my long, dramatic journey that fall was not so interesting. It included the constant struggle of me trying to get D’s symptoms under control (by controlling his diet & environment) and dealing with moving barns TWICE and the judgment of horse owners who disagreed with my methods for treating Diego. 

I’m happy to report that we moved to someone’s backyard on 5 acres. We’re now pretty relaxed and happy again (D has a girlfriend named Sadie). Now I’m trying to simplify my life again, and do damage control on our relationship. I became a very angry, very stressed, unpleasant person to be around with Diego over the months we were going through all this. Miraculously he stuck with me through it, but there is a defensive layer of mistrust that has formed between us again and it really bothers me (mostly because I know the fault is with me).

Yesterday, I took the time out to drag a lawn chair out into the yard and sit, holding D’s leadrope under the shade trees for awhile. He sniffed me, checked in so to speak and then went to dozing. I think he was in pain (long story, his hooves are sore and he pulled a muscle 2 weeks ago), but he seemed happier to stand than to be walking elsewhere with me. I can only hope some part of him remembers sitting with me all the time in that little shed barn at our old place.