Busy, Set-Back, Busy, Busy

Oops. I didn't mean to leave the entire month of October barren here...
The good news is it was almost exclusively taken up by RIDING! Woooooo!


In re-cap, we really made some progress last month:

•  We hit the 1hr ride mark regularly, Diego's fitness and stamina is definitely improving. 

• While I expressed doubts about hill-work here, it's pretty much unavoidable at our current barn unless you want to be confined to a hard-packed clay arena, and my opinion has changed on the subject. He's having considerably less trouble with hill now, than he did at Jamie's. We've even tried some steep ones, just for kicks (and working on MY seat and stability!). The only time I notice a real problem with him and hills is when he's feeling ulcery: he tends to be very reluctant and slow going downhill. Obviously I don't do them when he's not feeling well.

• We explored the canter a bit more. I had to kind of "find myself" again, as my old dressage-style seat no longer works to sit a canter (not with a tailbone problem). So taking my cantle off my saddle and employing a light "saddle grazing" seat with a slightly forward tilted pelvis has been a big improvement. Now we're working on Diego "finding himself". I find that he doesn't quite know where his canter speed really is - is it on the forehand speeding like a rocket into oblivion while fighting the reins? Is it a slow, rocking lazy thing that he falls out of at the slightest hint? He's done both and we can't seem to find a happy medium. He did hit what felt like a decent canter occasionally but I admit I pulled him up out of it from feeling scared. It was a bit too forward and powerful for my tastes at the time, despite it being pretty balanced.

• I'm getting my riding muscles back! While not strong by any means, I'm not waking up barely able to move in the mornings.  Part of the shift has been to stop trying to grip with my thighs so hard (a natural defense mechanism for me), mostly due to the fact that I ride in a Ghost saddle now...  Because of Diego's back I have to put a Cashel wedge pad up in there to lift the front gullet off his spine, but this adds more unwanted bulk in what would normally be the twist area. Instead of sitting on an A-frame shape I'm basically sitting on a barrel with my upper thighs - yeah good luck gripping THAT!

Things were going just swimmingly. I was totally ready to grab a hold of a friend and do our first trail-out trail ride...


Then Halloween happened.


Diego and his crew had been turned out 16+hrs on a roundbale of hay for most of the month. This experiment was going well, more turnout, more hay etc. The problem was that I couldn't test EVERY roundbale before it was put out for them, the cost and analysis time were prohibitive. So after the first test of a batch of them came back safe, I made the risky assumption that subsequent batches would be safe if from the same cutting. This isn't always the smartest decision when dealing with an IR horse.
    Needless to say we finally encountered a bale that was high enough sugar to cause a problem for Diego the day before Halloween (he had been on it 2-3 days). The poor guy had laminitis and felt terrible, so we pulled him off the hay and set up another regiment for him. I'm happy to say that with trigger (hay) removal, pain management (Microlactin), and inflammation control (short course of NSAIDS, hosing and light walking), he snapped out of it within 3 days.

I gave him 2 weeks off, carefully watching for any signs of change in his hooves (collateral groove depth changing, hairline changes etc.). After 2 weeks of him being perfectly normal, if not a bit of a handful I cautiously decided to start riding on soft ground again. (we're still bootless ATM)

I think he's ok, aside from an annoying battle with mild ulcers that we're treating. He's ok soaked hay, which as an added benefit is getting more water in him during the cold weather. I'm breathing a sigh of relief now - but it's not without a price (*I* have an ulcer now from all the stress, uuuhhgg).

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Moving forward in November, my main goals are starting him back gently and working on stamina - long and slow. We were going full speed by the end of October and honestly I wasn't seeing much topline growth (he was also on some major muscle supplements). I think relaxation and proper use of muscles is a big thing with him and he is most definitely not a relaxed horse when doing anything other than a walk! He doesn't feel tense, per se, but he's never that easy, rhythmic cadence either. A lot of his suspension has been lost to forward movement and I need to put that in check. (even as much as I hate his bouncy trot)


I've got a few ideas in mind for schooling, so when I report back we'll see if they're working.

Can't believe it's a month and a half till the new year... *head shake* Fhew!

Getting Back to the Beginning

It’s Fall, and I’m having a day in introspection.

Despite the fact that Diego’s health struggles have been linked to this blog’s original subject matter (in the way that it’s suppressing his innate fire, spunk and opinions) – I feel like my thoughts and posts have drifted too far away from said subject.

I started this blog as a supplement to my diary on AND, where I waded through the new waters of self-introspection in my journey with Diego in an entirely NEW way of relating to each other. The entries complimented and added to the other. I haven’t been active on AND much during Diego’s sickness, being exhausted mentally – my creativity sapped. I need to get back to these roots though, that’s what this is all about.

Our relationship.
Discovery.
Who is he? Not the horse I knew and controlled for so many years, but who is the horse underneath?
What are his thoughts and desires free of past abuse and shoulder chips?

 I want to dig and find this. I still believe in empowering him to be everything he can be in his golden years, mentally, physically.

So I’m diving head first into an assessment of where we are right now, relationally:

Firstly, I’m a perfectionist, so everything I write about our encounters tends to be pushed through an unreasonable filter that forgets the good pieces and focuses on the bad. Writing this helps me though, as the blank space begs to be filled with words, I think of more good and the bad can’t possibly fill the whole void.

I don’t think we are where I wanted us to be.
That frustrates me immensely.  My obsession with linear progress says we should be super-tight buddies now, inseparable, trusting each other endlessly, except after particularly bad fights. This isn’t reality though.

Interestingly though, reality shows that I have a fairly confident social horse now. He has taken the whole arc from Self-confident Young Bully to Old Broken & Insecure to where he is now (which is somewhere in between). On a bad day he’s a terror that walks into his paddock and immediately starts chasing and biting anyone in his way – on a good day he plays and makes jokes with everyone. Bold and mischievous, he waltzes up to stall doors to whuffle, squeal, posture and play the ‘nipping game’ for minutes on end. In the pasture he sees the herd and willingly goes toward them instead of carefully and fearfully avoiding them. Sometimes I have to be a bit forceful keeping him from ‘investigating’ the pasture mares a bit too thoroughly (IE: nose up the butt & kicked in the face syndrome).

This is all good news. I wanted this. I wanted him to feel good in his own skin again. 

I wish this had transferred into a more trusting and confident role in his partnership with me, but it hasn’t and that leads me to my next topic...

I wanted a stronger bond with him at this point. There are too many times I feel that he would really rather leave me in the dust, that he’d rather be free of my hindrance or restraint or pressure. My pride falters at that, and that’s really what it boils down to. My Pride wants that result. Over Entitled Ego is such a HARD thing to kill! It feels like a blow to my humanity every time he wants to leave me. 

Wow… could it be that I’m becoming codependent with my horse?   

O.o   Ouch. What a revelation.

   I truly believe in the philosophy of training that frees and enables the horse to be and assert himself in healthy ways, but the downside and ‘in between the lines’ social rules of some of those communities can make one feel terrible about themselves at times. Especially if their horse wants to be away from them. In all technicality, if you’re doing everything right and the horse has had a chance to heal – he should want to be with you, so says the philosophy. I’m starting to think maybe this isn’t a comprehensive rule though. Maybe he is more complicated than I think, maybe he has issues I don’t understand and needs for independence that I don’t get. To acknowledge human needs for independence and autonomy and yet deny Diego and all horses that same thing seems… well… stupid, now that I think about it.

The small victories really shouldn’t be forgotten. Just yesterday we both had to confront some serious fears – and me both made it through unscathed:

   We were riding in the pasture when a semi truck pulled down the gravel road to the chicken houses, just outside the fence. Not a big deal really, I thought it’d be gone by the time we were done as that path also leads back to the barn! It wasn’t done…  (I am personally very sensitive and fearful of sudden loud noises and I’ve seen this truck there before. The engine stays running the whole time and I never know when it’s going to make those horrible hissing blasts that tractor trailers are known for. Not to mention all the other mechanical noises attached to it’s tasks). I REALLY did not want to go past this thing, but with it nearing dark – traipsing up the other gravel road to the actual ROAD seemed like a bad idea. People drive fast on our road and it’s a curve to boot.

Deep breath… let's try this.

So after checking to make sure the driver was nowhere NEAR the seat in the truck (I also have an instinctual fear the driver will drive off or back up at the most inopportune time and squash us), I slowly led Diego forward. He wasn’t anymore keen on the truck than I was, as he slowly and purposefully set each foot on the path, silently telling me he was ready to dance and/or bolt at any moment. I think his head resembled a Giraffe at that point (which is hilarious for a horse with such a low-set neck). He was wide eyed and snorty, but kept glancing past me at the path ahead of us. We had maybe 6 feet of space between us and the truck that we had to squeeze by in order to access the upper path. 

   Naturally as soon as I started this endeavor – leading the way with my brave self (sarcasm if you can’t tell), I came upon some blocks to my momentary bravery: there were metal foot steps leading up to the passenger door that stuck out, and an air compressor box on the side of the tank was MUCH louder than I’d anticipated. We were already 3-4 feet past the nose of the truck and I was suddenly having visions of Diego slicing legs open on those metal parts and of him trampling me in an effort to get away from the noise. The compressor noise really was painful, I couldn’t get past it without putting my fingers in my ears, which meant reins looped over my arm. Not entirely safe. I looked back at Diego, silently pleading with him to just trust me and follow me past without bolting. I ended up going by sideways, keeping an eye on him as we went. When it was Diego’s turn to pass the compressor, he took one long snort at it, lowered and arched his neck, kept his eyes on it and literally ‘stalked’ past it like a horsey equivalent to a big cat.

    I could not have been more proud or relieved once we got to the upper trail and headed away from the monstrous thing! There was a sense of partnership though, borne out of going through that, and I begin to realize it’s not just ‘doing everything right so he’ll always trust me” but just ‘going through things together’ and building that bond of life experience. I think I sheltered both of us for a time from these uncomfortable and sometimes terrifying experiences, robbing us of the knowledge that we can get through it together. 

Whew.

Writing about all this is extremely helpful. It helps me remember what I keep forgetting in life, relationships etc. It helps me keep hope and purpose in the midst of the angst and fights.

Always remember.

Optimistic

So here we are, in the very beginnings of fall. I came back from my yearly vacation and my driveway already has reddish brown leaves littering the pavement. I admittedly love summer more than anything, so the beginnings of fall are always a little sad for me. (I know, I'm weird!)

I don't think I could have imagined being at an 'ok' place in Diego's rehab last year at this time. The stresses of various events kept me from seeing very far into the future for so long. Yet, here we are, riding around - constantly active - a year later! I need not take for granted getting on his back and heading off for a ride. Never again.
 Last year at this time he was fresh out of a very bad laminitic attack and could barely walk. It was a solid 1.5 months before I even saw him willingly trot. :(
This year he is trotting around his drylot (albiet carefully because of the hard ground), mounting mares, cantering down barn aisles etc. He's absolutely full of himself. ;)


I will touch breifly on a few of the things we've been battling in August up till now though for catch up:

•  Thrush!

 I hate it, nasty stuff. I believe I mentioned being frustrated about Diego loosing some robustness in his frogs due to being stalled more than I would like nowdays. It finally occurred to me that part of the problem however, was thrush eating away at what had been healthy tissue. Apple Cider Vinegar wasn't touching it this time, and I'm out of my trusty Resolve spray - so I resorted to soaks. Lysol (diluted) to be exact. I made sure it was very mild and then stuck soaking boots on him for a good 20 minutes for 5 days straight. I was pretty pleased with the result - before I left on vacation his frogs had shed some nasty little flaps and grown harder and less "mushy" with the daily soaks and the occasional scraping black tissue away with a knife.

BTW, check this site out for tips on treating thrush. Linda Cowles has alot of useful resources!

•   PPID (Cushings) Seasonal Rise

Just another reason for me to be apprehensive about fall: it's the hardest time of the year for Cushings horses. Recent research has shown a documented (and in PPID - exaggerated) fall rise of the ACTH hormone which is heavily involved in the disease. Plain and simple this means that I will see more negative effects of Diego's disease from late Aug through Nov/Dec. The very first year he was diagnosed the biggest symptom was laminitis - worst case scenario. Other very typical symptoms include:

-More muscle wasting over topline, neck and ribs (appearance of weight loss)
-Large scale stubborn rainrot infections (back, butt - large areas)
-General lethargy
-Occasional symptoms like foot sensitivity and gastric ulcers (these don't always happen)

As you can see, it's a basket full of kittens to deal with this mess when the weather is getting cooler and all you really want to do is go outside and trail ride! Yuck...  I'm sure Diego feels similarly.

In our case though there is a key to battling the SR - I increase his medication through December. We did this last year and it really helped him remain perky and happy, despite recovering from severe laminitis. I remember by November he was a hot-aires-above-the-ground-MESS.  ;)
So this year I started increasing, but I think it was a bit late: I was already seeing sudden back muscle wasting in late August - I should have caught it sooner. After returning from vacation Tuesday I found him in an excellent mood. He seems to be doing quite well.


So with all of that said - we're back to where we began at the top of my post - a good place! My hopeful plan for the fall is to start serious trail riding. I met a new local friend over the summer who has volunteered to trailer me over to her place for rides, and another friend just bought a home in the mountains of north Georgia (complete with guest room - HAH!) so we may be traveling up there too!!! So much to do and see!


Stay tuned...

Annnd the Bad News (sorta)

I've managed to hit a few bumps along the recovery road here: some expected and one completely unexpected.

I've got a Monster of a horse again.

No seriously. A monster.
It first started when I was working on the pasture one evening. D's trot work had been good on the lunge and I figured it was time to see if he could do a little of it with me on his back. We'd trotted up a few hills, but nothing serious to that end. As soon as we started any formal trotting (meaning longer than a few hundred feet) it became apparent that maintaining a steady, reasonable speed was more difficult than I thought it should be. The first day, we managed to throw a front boot off! The second and third days I tried it, I realized my arms and torso were going to be sore and I was out of breath and shakey. It's not like I've had a lot of riding practice in the past few years... 

Against my better judgement, I moved us up to canter work shortly after the trotting began. The problem got significantly worse (which I should have seen coming)! Worse in the classic Diego fashion: gradually building sneak-speed until suddenly you realize you've advanced from a nice rolling canter to Warp Speed. Incidentally this is what used to terrify me about him as a child. I was a brave rider, but mostly because I knew tactics to "control' most runaways, I'd never dealt with a stealth runaway before. My tactics didn't work and if you got harsh right from the get-go in his canter you started a fight and ruined the ride, so I tried desperately for many years to learn to 'feel' those moments went he was pumping just a little more speed into it than necessary. I think all that concentration and anticipation of speed just made things worse. Cut to many years later and NOW, right in the middle of rehab my horse is running away with me and I'm having flashbacks again! Geez!

I had a serious bout of frustration/depression at the end of June. The cantering had now screwed up our entire ride, transitions - everything. I had a tense ball of horse ready to take off, even on the days we weren't doing any canter. Not to mention I was getting body sore from all the bracing. Hardly the stuff of dreams and fantasies, so I crashed. And then I reached out for help.... and incidentally right after doing so had a psych epiphany too:

My expectations (Surprise!!! THAT word again) were way out of whack for what rehab IS.
Time to get real and get to work.

After reaching out to a few of my AND friends we discussed various possibilities and solutions. At first I was obsessed with the cause, as I could only see a few possibilities:

• Pain (I of course immediately fear hoof pain, but joint and back pain are a possibility)
• True excitement/being too fit
•  Nervousness

 All of which are still possible, but my friends helped cut through the fog to give practical tips on helping alleviate my fears (and maybe his), while disrupting the rocket-launch issues.



I have goal specifics that keep me from using certain methods, so I wanted people that understood that A) we're staying bitless and B) I want to avoid fights & improper biomechanics/joint stress at all costs. With that in mind I got some really insightful tips from my friends. I've been trying then here and there, but admittedly I've also just been walking him a lot. I'm definitely not ready for full trot work yet - my body just isn't in shape and when I get weak and shaky - I get scared and freeze up nowdays. I do feel more confident now though. We've had a few nice short canter stints now that I'm riding with a saddle more, but my old inability to sit the canter has come back so that's another thing I'll have to work out later! For now it's 2-point as much as possible to keep from banging on his back.
 

Hopefully one of these days I'll have a helper to take actual pictures of me riding too... I am dying to see how D looks from ground perspective during all this!


One interesting sidenote is the condition/treatment of Diego's legs:
I had been concerned about what I thought was actual tendon swelling on the insides of his front legs, between the 2 tendons. It at times gets "puffy" with moveable fluid in there. I had our barn manager (who knows a lot more about tendon ailments than myself) take a look and feel one day. After talking about it she said she felt like really there was no tendon problem if they aren't warm and he's not lame (nope). She felt that the arthritis in his fetlocks is causing the fluid back up and the 'swelling' I'm feeling is basically a form of stocking up. This would make sense considering I've felt it more the day after we've had hard workouts, and he's stall bound overnight.
I also noticed D is hitting the insides of his fetlock joints with his hooves. :(  Considering the joints are already inflamed, I doubt the concussion is helping. I explored the idea of fetlock boots for protection but considering how much they stick out I was honestly afraid they'd get hit and twisted alot. I found some cheap "track" bandages at the feed store (I didn't want the heat of polos) and decided to give them a try. WOW - does wrapping every help! I do a simple exercise wrap that just barely covers the fetlock on the insides. Not only does it seem to help with the interfering, but his legs are TIGHT after work! The fluid build up all but disappears, it's wonderful!

First, the Good News

So in my long absence ~ I've been riding Diego lately! 

For a solid year and a half I lost part of what is probably the closest connection I've had with a ridden horse, yet. I remember longing, pining, dreaming of the day I'd climb on Diego's back again. I remember staring at his back, walking with my hand slipped suggestively over his spine, just imagining being up there. You don't know what you have till it's gone...

Now the days are back where I can hoist myself up on his back, with no ill effects and off we go... It's like nothing has changed... nothing... and yet - like the barn manager said the other day: everything has changed. So it's surreal.

May was filled with tentative rides: long walks, some hills and plenty of relaxation.
June? The work started: trotting, more hills, regular dressage and longer rides.

I find that as per usual - the most 'rusty' thing in all of this is ME. Whether it's getting my back and hips relaxed to sit a trot or remembering the all important nuances about fitness training that I learned many moons ago. Diego for the most part is smooth sailing. He still tires easily on humid days, but that's to be expected. GA summers are BRUTAL with humidity. As long as a good breeze is going, he'll keep chugging. We've done a couple of hour long walks now, which is great! Steep hills and all. He remembers almost everything perfectly (except "Halt" but that's another entry right there), including his wonderful laterals.

RAWR! Open pastures... lemmie' at em!

So now instead of the pity looks and the questions of when I'll be able to ride again, I often am the first one to tack up, and the one most often seen strolling through the pasture in the evenings.

It's much sweeter this time around, that's for sure.

Dusk and the Setting Sun

Diego and I took a short ride last night. It was the first in almost 2 weeks... he was doing really well - no inflammation, enjoying the sudden cool snap (50's at night have now turned to 39! ) so I figured what the heck, let's try it.

I slapped on the boots, the bareback pad and clipped my reins to his flat-banded nylon halter. At first he looked at me suspiciously and made a move to walk away (then quickly got distracted by a bucket of food placed dumbly in the middle of the barn aisle.) but once we stepped outside he was clearly on his toes. By the time we got to the pasture I could feel he was pretty wired throughout his entire body. He stood still for me to mount (barely, tensely) from the trailer wheel-well  (great place to mount - will have to remember that) and enthusiastically took off at a FAST walk.

We made a loop around the edge of the pasture and back, a total of about 15 minutes, start to end. His back has such poor muscling that I just can't bring myself to stress his spine with my weight too much right now. I was surprised however in the ease at which he carried me for the most part.. then again I am trying my best nowdays to be a model of near perfect balance for him. This includes the ever careful alignment of my spine in proper orientation with his and keeping our center of gravities 'together' - one very good example is riding downhill: I do a mini 2-point seat. I tried this experiment several years back when I was still exploring riding before he got sick, turns out once I moved my center of gravity forwards, but in a balanced way D responded by moving down hills more freely and happily. Traditional riding logic would think that strange, but it kind of makes sense considering through out all my jump and huntseat training how I was taught to be balanced and light in all situations, even downhill. It was dressage training later that ruined part of my seat, ironically.

ANYWAYS! (tangents, tangents)

Back to the ride. D was feeling quite full of himself an opinionated - there was much head shaking, some impressive 90-degree turns (O.O did I mention I was bareback?), and on the way back to the gate a jig or two. Actually on the way back I afforded myself a treat, and when I see him today we will see if it was too much... but... I kept just enough contact to keep his head up, while letting him prance his way into a bouncy, collected trot. Normally I would strongly encourage him to walk again, fearing my merciless bouncing on his poor spine and his delicate hooves - but this time I said 'forget it. I'm just gonna sit here and stay balanced and hope he doesn't decide to buck me off in the end." (as he was still 100% wired). What came out of it was one of those events that really stick with you - those moments where you're in perfect harmony with your horse and both of you are enjoying whatever gait you're going along at, in relative easy and happiness. His head was up, neck tall fully extended, his poll flexed only slightly and although I bounced alittle, his back felt like a springy suspension bridge. If I tried I could almost imagine that I felt his front hooves hitting the ground independently - correctly. For those few strides he felt balanced, excited, powerful and truly perfect to ride.

Had dusk not been creeping in over the fields I think I would have wanted another round of the pasture, but as it was the cold air and impending darkness (along with wayyy too many strange horses trying to sniff his butt) was making D alittle jumpy/insecure. I am still trying to ride the fine line between our workouts and keeping him from feeling forced, alone and scared. It will come with time, but part of that comes from me respecting his feelings on any given issue. I was disappointed to note though that after 15 minutes of excitedly lugging me up and down pasture hills - he was not even WARM. It was like it had been no exertion at all!

Note to self: 30 minute ride/walks are DEFINITELY in order now!

I'm excited to see what today tells about lastnight's excursion. Was this too much? Will he be sore? Stiff? Depressed?
Or will I walk up to a bright eyed and bushy tailed horse?
Ahh that's the story of his entire recovery: you never know what tomorrow brings.

So I've decided to enjoy 'today' as it were when we can...

Spring Has Sprung

I sent a huge cloud of yellow powder into the air this morning when I turned my windshield wipers on...   yep.  It's that time of year. The big hardwoods at the barn are still looking scraggly but neon buds are popping out on the tips of their branches. The grass is blindingly green - poking up through the dead stuff from winter.

Everywhere horses are dropping mangey hair and stating to look gorgeous and sleek (except D: stupid Cushings coat), and riders are gearing up for summer. I think I've been bitten by the bug - the spring bug... I have the overwhelming urge to get back in the saddle and ride until I can't feel my legs anymore. The urge to gallop over countryside until I'm sunburned and sweaty.


Maybe it's the spring weather, those last few joyful rides on Diego, or too much of reading Andrea's old blog posts, or the girls at my barn dusting off the saddles and heading out for trailrides...   I'm suddenly dying to be back in the saddle, training for the next big thing, or galloping along endlessly over hilly terrain listening to nothing but hoofbeats and horse breathing. Or flying over tall obstacles and turning tight roll-backs in a sandy arena.

This brings up an internal debate. 3 years ago I had given up on my competition dreams, somewhat sadly. 2 years ago I came to a feeling of contented acceptance and was quite happy with my new journey with D. So, what on earth is this all about? Diego is never again going to be able to do the things he once did. I still have grand hopes of him making a recovery to "fit old horse" condition, but "fit old horse" & "fit young/middle-aged horse" are two different things. Most jumping is in our rearview mirror (sadly), as is taking uneven terrain at a fast pace. Older tendons just do not have the same resiliency as young ones: it's not safe. Getting him back in 'work' has proven difficult this month: we're enduring more setbacks from unexplained hoof inflammation and when he has that - I CANNOT ride. Work in hand can only go so far, he is not fit enough to trot or more than 10 minutes and the warm weather is not sitting well with him anymore (I'm honestly alittle worried about anhydrosis). *sigh*

Soooo with all that said - I'm obviously stuck. The 'urge' is killing me though. I had not previously thought past Diego to 'what if I had another horse?". So far all attempts to keep in good riding shape with a 'loan' have been very short lived. I've ridden a handful of horses since D's laminitis: anything from the green broke Throughbred to the old OTTB, to the pokey trail QH. I have truly appreciated each and very opportunity but have sadly realized something very important: none of them are D. I don't like ANY of them near as much. Sitting on D is like having 4 legs instantly wired to my own brain and nerve receptors. Sitting on other horses is awkward at best - like when I was a kid and took riding lessons on different ponies. New stride length, new type of movement, new timing, different ribcage width, different reaction times to spooks etc. This all boils down to that fateful day someday: getting a new horse is not going to be fun for me. :(


But on a happier note ~ I do have the opportunity to train some now, if I so choose. There are a couple of school horses at my new barn that I'm allowed to fool around with. I took one for a short ride yesterday evening at W/T (cute little chestnut). Boy do I need some work! I did ok, tried to be loose and light/soft, but I'm really going to have to get out in the field and trot it out to see how my muscles really handle riding again. I can feel the pull in my lower calves and my upper ribcage today... And I lose my balance all too easily. Funny how that works, used to my body knew right 'where to be' in relation to the horse at all times.


Hopefully I'll get some pictures soon. This whole blog has gone without for too long.
B.o.r.i.n.g!

The Triumphs of March

The close of March draws near this weekend and I find myself stunned, wondering where the month went. I love summer with a passion, so it's always my goal to make sure spring doesn't slip by unnoticed: I love having a long prequel to summer. ;)

I think it's safe to say Diego is settling in well at the new place. This month he's taken to scrapping with neighbors over stall gates in the barn whenever we walk past, he's perking his ears when the pasture horses creep closer to investigate us, rather than looking worried and hiding behind me. His personality is coming out in full force: bold, energetic and bully-ish. The barn manager expressed surprise and amusement over it just this week. We all agree spring is in the air and he's feelin' it.

Once I got his diet settled and squared away last month, then it was time to address his trim. His hooves need a different trim now than they did though the winter: change of terrain, time passed and work intensity all demand a change. Change is by nature difficult for me and I find my habits and muscle memory slow to alter, so I've taken a step back and given him a month without any hoof changes and will alter the trim as needed soon.

So what's left on the agenda after diet and trim + regular in-hand work is all addressed?

RIDING!!!

I've gotten to sit on him quite a few times on calm evenings at the barn after our walks. That in itself was HUGE.
   I spent some time feeling down and guilty though after my first few mounts: Diego kept moving away from whatever mounting object I was using. We know eachother well enough for me to know this is from a hesitancy due to pain, not a desire to 'get out of work' (this horse could outwork ME if he wanted). I got on him anyway (the part I've been feeling guilty over), and once mounted he seemed perfectly fine, if anything, antsy to walk and really stride out. His huge strided walk is back in full force! Slowly though as we've progressed to taking 10 minute rides down the driveway - I start to feel less guilty. Some well timed articles detailing the horses' two fold ability to live in the moment and protect their body from pain AND also remember back to painful memories and protect their body from that remembered pain (whether currently relevant or not) surfaced this week and I found myself analyzing the situation yet again. Diego has alot of remembered pain from years of imbalance and his lumbar issue, then a year of being forced to work with a rider on his back when he had sore and sometimes laminitic hooves. I cringe at the thought but that was the reality... meanwhile I had been frustrated as I could be looking at external solutions like tack changes and joint supplements. I find it interesting that after a handful of decent, very short rides D has come to stand still (albiet impatiently) for mounting.

Since we only spend 10-15 minutes each time with me riding I've been at a loss for what to work on. One thing I decided this time around - was I did not want to let him go 'long and low' 100% of the time. Learning how the back works I've learned that letting the nuctural(?) ligament take up the slack and hold me up (which is what it's doing when he lowers his head way down) will not accomplish my goal of building back muscle properly. Naturally I don't want him to go around tense, high headed and hollow either, so there had to be an in-between.

   So far he's operating at 100%, meaning as always he remembers and can execute almost anything right off the bat: leg yields, half passes, shoulder in, haunches in - you name it! I was shocked. Instead of starting back at square one, mentally he's starting back at square 8 out of 10! I have to be careful to remind myself his body isn't as far along as his mind is, but regardless he's surprisingly flexible. Maybe all this time healing those hooves have truly helped him in that he's not moving with hoof pain anymore!
I've taken to trying some shoulder ins this week, with varying degrees of rein contact. I do enjoy riding on a very loose 'live' rein, but in light of not wanting his head all the way down to or below his chest 50% of the time I'm forced to ride with more contact than either of us are used to. I'm thinking this is a good thing in a way though:

1) his bitless cavessons that I use don't seem to transmit the 'drape' of the 'live rein' very well, so he's not alert and responding to the rein till it hits his neck for the most part.

2) anytime I take up more contact he gets excited, stiff, raises his head and does his age-old shuffle/jig, expecting us to go galloping down the barn aisle.  O.O
Yeah... no dude.

So slowly I plan to get us used to both types of contact again. I think that's going to be important. Maybe eventually when he can comfortably carry his neck higher again, we will return to a looser 'live' contact but with higher carriage. Granted I'm not trying to force a frame here, and if I get the slightest hint that he can't do something, I certainly won't insist. I think that's an important part of our rehab, trust and mutual respect.


On the horizon? Long walks. I think he will be able to handle those soon. We've spent almost a month taking these baby steps to riding, in April I want to try him on varied terrain and longer distances. The goal is 30 minute walks for the end of April!

Recovery Conditioning for the Older Horse

In light of the fact that Diego is approaching the point where he'll be 100% rideable again (fingers crossed) I thought I would spend some time explaining my thoughts and theories that I've based my plans on for our conditioning...  First I'll explain my influences, then the specific 'plan'.

My goal since 2010 has been to build as fit, athletic and happy a horse as I can. Plain and simple - that is what I want for D. The bulk of my work with Diego to build muscle, flexibility and thus balance: is governed by basic principles of classic based dressage. In short I want to encourage proper muscle use by making it fun and/or comfortable to use the right muscle groups. I want to minimize joint and tissue damage by avoiding: "drills" / excessive repetitive motions, unbalanced, fast or otherwise harmful movement to the body that's not bio-mechanically correct. A lot of our work has been very slow & subtle (leaving alot of viewers to believe we're doing nothing at all). Doing things slowly goes against my nature as a whole, so that should give an example of how much I truly believe in what I'm doing! I've learned alot from various places during my research, but the places I keep going back to for information & encouragement are:

Art of Natural Dressage
Science of Motion
Marijke de Jong (trained by Bent Branderup)
Dr. Deb Benett
Sustainable Dressage

I also use clicker training to help me 'mark' the correct responses that help build correct movement.

Throughout everything Diego has maintained a very basic level of fitness through hand walking. Now it's time to get FIT, and build those back muscles that have been nearly non-existent for years!

 Ze Plan:

As I sit here and write this I begin to see how futile it is to come up with a rigid plan, when I know that what we ultimately do each day is subject to SO many variables! Weather, mood, physical ability etc. None the less I intend to use this as a guide.

STATIC: (used daily or nearly daily)

• Belly Lifts (using a blunt object like the handle of a hoofpick - run it up and down under your horses doral/belly button line to encourage them to lift their back. Hold for 5-10 seconds. Repeat. 5-10 reps is our goal
• Butt Tucks (use thumbs or blunt object and press lightly on either side of tailhead, squeezing together and inward, horse usually tucks their croup) I was told by my chiropractor that this exercise helps stretch out the lumbar spine especially if the horse is taken to standing hollow alot, and it also exercises/clenches the gluteal muscles.
  5-10 rep goal
• Jambettes  (fancy word for foreleg lifts) We do this with clicker training and I encourage an upright posture during lifts, because the point of the exercise is to lighten and free up the shoulders and shift is bodyweight to a more horizontal orientation, rather than a forehand-heavy orientation. Head and neck position is very important and I find it alot easier to encourage him to hold the posture himself, rather than me restrain his head with equipment. He as to be self sufficient to truly learn muscle memory!
• Neck Arches  - also called Ramener by some. I encourage D to tuck his chin slightly so that his neck becomes soft and his face his just infront of the vertical, then I ask the base of his neck to lift as high as possible.  The purpose for this is to again encourage lightness in the forehand at the halt, to gently flex the poll and most importantly to work the muscles deep in the chest at the base of the neck teaching LIFT. If the 'lift' is not there, it doesn't matter how much he raises his head - it won't accomplish what we need for lightness. I also do this by clicker training for the same purpose as the leglifts: D has to learn to use his muscles in the correct way without my physical interference: it's all about muscle memory! With this exercise I can also modify it to work different muscle groups. Sometimes I focus more on the 'lift', sometimes we work more on softness in the vertical poll flexion.

In the long run, static exercises are key in body building and all important steps to balance and collection for us, and all we need is a relatively flat space to stand and do them!

MOVEMENT: (daily and semi-daily exercises)

• Walking - obviously lots of walking is in order for fitness, no matter what. I try to get in a minimum 20 minutes of a brisk pace everyday. Preferably at this point we should be doing 1hr walks but my body just can't handle that on some days and D can just about out-walk 17h horses when he gets going!
• Shoulder-In. We are finally to the point were his hooves have healed (read: grown out) enough to handle the twisting/torque of this movement. We should be doing this everyday by now. I'm noticing big problems coming off D's rest period, he's having problems with bend and balance - inevitably too much bend=loss of balance or too little bend/stiffness. We have alot of work to do. Ideally I want a gentle bend, without a break at the base of the neck (I want the shoulders involved and lifting), slow with a steady rhythm and engaged hind legs (which usually isn't a problem for him).
• Backing. I don't understand all the mechanisms yet, but backing really works! Once D has been properly warmed up and barring any significant problems or soreness, he backs very smoothly. I generally encouraged a relaxed/lowered head position, but again his head position is not something I interfere with physically. I do NOT feel that pressure on the head (which in turn affects the entire vertebra column) is of any benefit in this movement. I usually aim for backing atleast 20-50 feet 3x per instance. You can vary it and back in circles too but we haven't mastered that yet as D's one-sidedness causes uh... directionally challenged issues. LoL
• Hill work. I had very limited success with hillwork back in 2010 and 2011 before Diego's laminitis and Cushings diagnosis'. Hills in general were very painful for him (in my ignorance I followed the advice of others and pushed him to do the work constantly) and made it ultimately miserable for both of us. Needless to say what I thought was arthritis with his inability to walk down hills comfortably turned out largely to be hoof pain or residual problems from hoof pain. This week he is fairly gliding down steep hills with more gusto than I am... o.o
  Regardless, I am currently studying studying the break down of tissues in the older horse in an online class I'm taking and I will be using extreme caution with hills to preserve the integrity of D's tendons and ligaments. That is my major concern with the hills right now. The plan is to do long, gradual slopes at a walk ONLY.
• Trotting. Another milestone in D's recovery is being able to trot comfortably again with a heel fist landing. While the lunge line is not my favorite tool for the horse with hoof problems (again: torque on hooves), we don't currently have a roundpen or arena that would allow me to turn him loose. We are currently doing sets of trot for 5 minutes each, followed by breaks. I've had to really change by habits in this dept as I was always one to push a horse for more "engagement", bigger flashier movement, etc. I felt like if they weren't moving to suit my tastes they weren't exercising the muscles at their full range of motion. This article was key in busting my little bubble... Now instead I try to accept whatever speed and engagement Diego offers me, and study it to determine how he feels, what muscle groups seem stronger, which seem weaker - and is there improvement. I look for the 'bounce' in his step: gait suspension. Funny enough, when I stop pushing and leave him alone he often finds incredible trot-suspension on his own. His natural rhythm varies from day to day though and that admittedly throws me off sometimes.

UNDER SADDLE: current & future goal is 2-4x per week
It gives me chills to even write this - we are so close! I realize I'm being so painfully careful that it's giving half my horsey friends aneurisms, but I'd rather go "too slow" than too fast.

• Sitting.  Just sitting, not doing anything else.
  I read somewhere a couple years back about the concept of 'loading the skeleton' that is allowing the horses' body to adjust to the weight of a rider first (bone, tendon, ligaments, muscle etc.) before asking for anything else. In light of D's long break from real riding this is something I'd like to try. People constantly say "Oh you can't possibly weigh anything! It won't be a problem for him!" But consider a person you know in their 60's - a parent, grandparent. Let's say they weigh about 180lbs, average build. Put a 30lb medicine ball in a backpack and ask them to stand there with it for 10 minutes or walk around the local park. Between arthritis, and age related weakness - let's be real - this is not as easy or comfortable as is made out. That does not take into account Diego's prior hoof pain.
• Walking.
  So descriptive... I know. My goal is 30 min - 1hr walks eventually (over varied terrain) or fitness. Right now though I would settle for 10 minute walks around the edge of the pasture, avoiding an steep hills. 
• Trotting.
  We won't be doing this for awhile. I feel like it's too much weight and concussion on his legs and spine. I want ample muscle built in his back first and time for his tendons and ligaments to adjust.
• Poles.
  I'm not a huge pole fan, just because I was drilled on them as a hunter and later in jumping so much. Diego was never good at them either and tended to panic and try to jump them (it was always that 4th pole that threw him over the edge of reason) which in turn made me panicky about them. They're helpful though and I think despite our former bad experiences (and maybe because of them!) we need to walk poles... ALOT.

Hooves and Recovery

Today I'm doing some light reading - which is including materials on various trim methods. This is a weekly if not daily thing for me lately. I've learned so much since this blog started that I have trouble putting it all into words.

Diego's hooves have undergone an onslaught of assaults from various sources for over a year now, and we find ourselves this week - sitting on the 6 month anniversary of his most recent (and worst) laminitic attack. I am clinging rigidly and (understandably) desperately to all dietary and environmental restrictions to keep D from having another attack right now - but as the months creep by and we finally start to see progress through the dreary daily routine: I have finally started to feel a little more hope. 

We're 6 months out and this time, for sure, I am confident that we have good hoof form. As good as it can get really. I haven't had the money for Xays in a year now, so I've had to wing-it by just reading the external hoof signs as well as I can. I constantly scrutinize his sole, his gait and measure the collateral grooves, looking for more depth. The last and most frustrating piece to fall in place has been his soundness. His last event in August left him barely able to drag himself from the paddock to the grooming area and back. Boots and pads only made it moderately better. It was horrible to watch him have so much pain just walking... 

 We made huge strides (har har) though, and by November he was comfortable - trotting, galloping and bucking with his girlfriend. It was a sight to see! December brought cold nights though, and with  his damaged vascular system in his lower legs & feet started giving him issues. He had significant amounts of pain, his legs stocked up from not moving all day long (due to hoof pain) etc. I added some dietary supplements to help - but nothing is a cure. It's still just as cold out now in February, but at the new facility D is kept in at night (not ideal to me but the lesser of several evils I was faced with in moving him), where the temperature is consistently 10 degrees warmer than the outdoors. Guess what... no leg swelling! No owwie hooves with warm coronary bands! YAY! 

Try as I might to provide Diego with a more 'natural' lifestyle, it's becoming increasingly apparent that certain domestic 'comforts' are needed to give him the ability to live a decent life after the Cushings hammered away at his body unchecked for 5 years and laminitis ravaged the blood vessels in his hooves. So far this has included blanketing, wrapping the legs and being stabled at night. So I continue down this road of discovery: hopefully with less judgement about "right and wrong" horse management and attached dogma.  >.>'

Ok...  so maybe this wasn't as much about hooves as I'd intended to write. ;p
I just reread the first post on this blog from 2010 discussing his hooves. What a long way we have come! Few if any of the problems we faced then haunt us now (except heel contraction, but that's possibly a life long pathology by now IMO). I am forever thankful for Marian's willingness to educate me at a time when D and I really needed it.


Amusing event for the week:  I got a call from the barn manager early yesterday morning on my cell and promptly panicked (having just read a lovely study on Nitrate poisoning complete with graphic photos). As it turns out she was calling to give me a bit of amusing info. Diego has been introduced to his handicapped herd, but so far they have yet to accept him. There is an evil little pony who attacks everyone (horses and humans alike) who has it out for Diego. Diego finally decided somehow that the pony suddenly held no threat over him anymore and promptly turned his butt to the pony and shot him a "talk to the tail" look. Said pony was so distraught by this that he ran himself around the entire turn out area. I'm sure his ego was greatly damaged by this. I was told Diego had taken up trotting a little with the foals. I couldn't be happier for him... finally... progress!

New Beginnings... Again

The week has come to a slow and steady closing, and I've found myself mulling over things in the late afternoons on my drive to see Diego.

I was thinking about this blog the other day, thinking what I originally wanted to accomplish with it, and how that has taken a long, windy detour.

In 2010 and 2011 I got a hint... a taste at training 'high school' dressage, with an older, cynical horse. I got a taste of a better relationship - a soulful partnership and a couple big lessons in humility and ego reduction.

2011 & 2012 were more about me, in an odd sense. Granted Diego was still in the picture, but being sick and constantly in rehab put the burden on me to be the protector/advocate/caretaker. This has drawn on every fiber of my emotional and physical being. I have sat and cried, screamed, shamefully had complete temper tantrums, and laid in bed with the awful guilt and crushing depression that comes from growing angry and resentful at the very being you are trying to save from death...  Everything in my life, EVERYTHING has taken a backseat to him since August 2011. Finances have dwindled down to nothing and I find myself struggling even now to get my head above water. A somewhat harsh way for Fate to force me to grow up, but effective none the less. I have come so far in my ability to care-take and be a confident advocate. We just switched barns, again (yes we're both getting tired of this) and I recently reflected on old emails to our old barn owner. I was a totally different person last January. So many unknowns, and so indecisive in the face of uncertainty. I had significant trouble holding my own against the judgement, opinions and also honest questions of others, I spent excessive amounts of time verbally mulling over Diego's various conditions, possible solutions, etc. and quite frankly confused alot of people in the process! I've learned how to better convey information now, as well as how frequently I need to reevaluate processes and situations for profitable results. I'm not the shaky, scared person I was a year ago, cautiously looking for a better year: I didn't get one anyway. I got a year of all NEW problems, 2 medical crashes etc. on top of the same 'ol issues we were already dealing with. Now however, I'm done with holding my breath and crossing my fingers in hopes more bad things don't happen. I've decided that bad things will happen: and when they do [this] is what I'm going to do about it - and that's that. For everything else? There's a little blue pill that starts with and F ~ I can take a good dose of that.  ;)

So aside from getting a firm boot to the rear by Fate along the road of growth... did I mention how much I've learned?

• In a year's time I've done a 7 month apprenticeship under a local barefoot trimmer, with aspirations to start my own business. 

• I'm also completing my first class on equine nutrition, with aspirations to do nutrition on the side.

I've learned SO much through this struggle, mostly out of necessity, but somewhere along the way my interest was peaked too. The barn manager at our new barn told me lastnight "We have a woman coming with another Insulin Resistant horse! I'm going to give her your name and number - she says she just doesn't know what to do, what to feed etc. I told her I know just the person she should talk to."
I remain surprised and even humbled today thinking about it. It wasn't so long ago that I was the one uncertain, scared, frustrated... needing my questions answered.



I think here would be a good place to put a plug for the group that helped me get through the darkest parts of Diego's disease and recovery:
Dr. Eleanor Kellon & Robin Siskel's group for Cushings and Insulin Resistant horses:
http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/EquineCushings/
Through this group I also met another woman locally with a similar story to myself and Diego. Her support has meant the world to me when I felt like nobody else understood how hard this battle can be.


So here's to 2013... another new beginning. Hopefully this time, we're on the way to being better than ever!